I've been pondering lately about my role as a mother and how I don't want to take this part of my life for granted.
I've always been a goal oriented person. I had a job from the day I turned 16 until I had my first baby. It was an adjustment to not work outside the home or be in school and have a list of things getting checked off.
It has been so wonderful though. It has been a good adjustment; like if a 500 pound woman got lipo and suddenly had the body of a supermodel; it would take some getting used to a totally different body, but it would be a NICE thing to get used to.
That's how I feel about being a stay at home mom. It's the best thing I've ever done. It's also the hardest. It takes more mental and physical energy than anything else in the world. But the love and happiness that the work yields is exponentially more than anything else.
Sometimes I catch myself longing to go back to school or take a part time job. There is nothing wrong with doing either of these things, and I have no judgement for anyone who does both, as every single situation is different. But right now, that's just not in the works for me. And I'm ok with it. Largely because the reason I want to do all those things is to feel productive. I tend to forget that raising my beautiful little boys is plenty productive!!
I am very very lucky that we can get by without me working right now. Gideon makes that possible (with some extra help from our father in heaven) and for that I will always be grateful. I just want to focus on being there for my kids.
I want them to remember me playing blocks with them on the floor and chasing them up and down the halls, not remember how clean our house was or that everything was always so organized. I want to foster their imagination and self esteem. I want to teach them to love; both themselves and others. To be kind. I want to teach them that its ok to be different and how to use their imagination. How to stick to their principles and still be understanding of others'.
I guess the point of this post is just to say that I'm so very lucky and blessed. I know that. I don't want to ever take this beautiful little family and my life for granted. Sometimes it's hard, it's true. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. But at the end of the day, I get down on my knees and thank God for giving me the most precious gifts I could ever ask for. And I'm so immensely grateful.