My dearest little man,
It's me, mommy. You don't know who I am yet, you only know the soft rocking of your constant warm little bath, my heartbeat, and maybe my wild laughter. And although I technically haven't met you yet either, I am really starting to know you pretty well. You like it when I lay on my right side, and when I kneel really awkwardly to say prayers. You always kick the most when I'm in those positions. You are a wild little one, just like your daddy. You kick me non stop and sometimes I really wonder what's going on in there. I know as soon as you can walk, you'll be crawling over things and jumping off of furniture way too high to be safe; again, just like your daddy.
Your dad and I always sit and wonder what you will be like, who you'll grow up to be, what your dreams will be. But something we already know and will always know is where you come from and what makes you you. I hope someday I can really, I mean really make you understand that you are the product of So. Much. Love. That two young kids sacrificed so much to bring you here, because we wanted to see your face, to meet you, to see what you might become, and to be allowed a brief moment to teach you a few things and mostly to have you teach us about love and about happiness. That two people will always stand behind you, hold your hand, throw everyone out of the way so you can pass, and cheer on the sidelines for you. That we wanted you, oh how we wanted you. That your place in the world will always be here, nestled between the two of us, safe and happy and loved.
I hope I help you see how much your father loves you. Some day when you are expecting your own little child, you will start to understand. Understand the excitement and pure joy that comes from anxiously awaiting the arrival of your own flesh and blood. Understand the sacrifices of a loving father; the long hours worked, the long nights of studying, the worry of the bills, the sheer exhaustion of life; all these sacrifices made because of the love he has for you, the little one he hasn't even met yet. Because he wants the very best for you, for your future. He worries about teaching you all the things of the world and the gospel, about life and about eternity. He loves you, a mind-blowing, heart bursting kind of love.
And so do I.