It's Like A Dream

I found this journal entry today. It was written right after Gideon got home from his mission. Although I don't remember writing this, I remember this night oh so well. I remember wondering what was in store for me, for us, as we figured out our feelings for each other. Looking back over the last 4 1/2 years of loving each other, it has been the most wonderful, amazing, sometimes bumpy, fulfilling and love-filled journey. It's been better than I could have hoped for. And now the images I always pictured in this entry are all coming true. I truly am so lucky.

*some parts are left out. Can't embarrass myself too much.

February 15, 2009

Gideon is home. Talked to him for an hour and 14 minutes tonight. I layed on my floor with the phone resting on my face curled up while his voice filled me up with happiness. I giggled at things that weren’t all that funny just because I felt like giggling because I felt so good. Then I also burst out laughing at hilarious stories he told me. I felt like a complete person again. I just realized today that I think I still love him . . .Hearing his voice, as we talked about how we both feel old for liking oatmeal, I just wanted to say ‘can’t we just get married and get old and eat oatmeal together all the time?’ I keep having this one vision of us (I’ve always had this vision with him) in the hospital with our first baby. I’m all stressed out and in pain in the bed and he is going back and forth down the hall to get me ice. I always picture him coming into the room and me feeling that calm that only he can make me feel . . .I’ve been so wishy washy lately about it but I am going to give it a shot. I think he’s my person. I think I want to spend forever with him. Marriage freaks me out except with him . . . I want to live forever with him and build forts and watch movies and bake cookies and stay up late hearing his funny stories and fight and make up and tell him his breath stinks and cry on his shoulder and let him feel my baby tummy.

Beginning of The End

35
1/2
weeks.

Am I really almost done? Part of me can't believe this crazy journey of being pregnant is actually coming to an end. It's surreal. While most of me is so uncomfortable and tired and ready to not grow a human being any more, there is a tiny part (a rather big part tonight) of me that is sad to see the stage end. The stage of my sweet precious little boy, all nestled safe and sound inside of me. He is safe from everything in there. No one can tease him or make him feel less than he is. Nothing can damage his spirit, make him afraid. There are no scraped knees or elbows, no bloody noses, no tummy aches where he is right now. And I really think I will miss him when he's here. How, you ask? I just think that in the quiet moments in the night or early in the morning, or when I'm alone somewhere, I will miss his stubborn and deliberate movements inside me. Don't get me wrong, I am so ecstatic to meet this little man, to hold him, to gaze into his eyes that are half mine and half the man I love; I just don't want to forget the feeling of always being able to keep him safe. The feeling of anticipation, of wondering who he is, what his little nose will look like, if he'll have my feet or his daddy's, if he'll be as stubborn as me or as easy going as his father. But really, truly, I can't wait another second to have his wrinkled, warm, little red body in my arms, screaming to the world that he's arrived. I already have a feeling that he's going to be a real go-getter, that he'll be a wild little boy, and mostly, that I'll be so in love with him that my world will stop. I can't wait.

*Thanks to my sister in law Sarah for the amazing pics. Check out her site: mymatilda.com