Yes, the first few weeks of motherhood are a bit overwhelming, to say the least. There is a lot of change. Your hormones are crazy. You don't sleep. Your body is not really your own anymore. All of this I was prepared for. I knew what to expect (for the most part), and I was ready for it. But what I wasn't prepared for, is this constant ache in the pit of my stomach. It's a good ache. I ache with the love I have for this tiny person who I spend all day with. I am in constant need of a break, and still, I miss him when I go to the bathroom. I miss him when my husband is snuggling with him. I miss him when I know I have to let him sleep without me so that one day he won't be sleeping in my bed. I stare down at his little face, so peaceful, happy, so perfect, and I feel like my heart is just going to burst with love for this brand new life.
I am constantly marveling at him. His eyes, his lips, his hairy arms, his chubby thighs, his hands and feet, his spirit. He smiles and laughs-really laughs- in his sleep. He is starting to coo and gurgle more as he stares around the room. Bath time is enjoyable for him now. He has certain characteristics that are exactly like his dad. Sometimes my heart almost stops with how much he reminds me of that wonderful man who helped create him.
I am constantly willing time to stop, to let me have him like this forever, and yet I am anxiously awaiting his first words, his first steps, the first day of school, long chats after he comes home from a date, seeing his accomplishments, his failures, his joys and his pain. I want to be there for it all. I'm so glad that there is so much more to being a mother than just the poopy diapers and cute onesies. I am so honored and blessed to be able to help shape the man, the human being, the wonderful person this sweet little spirit is going to become.
I know this post is a jumble of things with no real organization, but do you see my point? I'm overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by happiness, love, joy. The tears are coming on just from writing this down. No one told me it would be like this. You hear so much about the rigors and trials of motherhood; no one told me it would be so wonderful. I loved my job and I loved my life before, but this kind of fulfillment and love is on an entirely different plane. I can not imagine doing anything else with my life.
