My Matilda

My sister in law, Sarah, is an amazing photographer. She just started this new business and it's AMAZING. Check our her site:
MyMatilda

Breakfast

Nothing says pregnant like turkey sausage, peaches, mango salsa and some orange soda for breakfast. Plus the fact that I'm finally eating breakfast at 1 pm.

YUM.

The Good Ol' Days

So Gideon and I decided that we'd better make the most of these last few weeks of not having a child in tow. Don't get me wrong, we're super excited, but there's some things we won't be doing again (alone) for a very long time. Monday was our day off, so we slept in until 11 (shameful, I know...) spent the afternoon going to the doctor then running a few errands, and by the time we got home I was pooped. So we got a redbox and ordered pizza. What a good night. It was so fun to be lazy and feel like we were dating again (movies on the couch, staying up late, etc ). Tuesday was crazy for Gideon with work and school, so somehow on Wednesday (our other day off) we slept in until 11 AGAIN. We keep saying we'll get up early and get a head start on the day, but really, why?? Soon we'll never sleep again. So we're soakin' it up. We went to the movies Wednesday night and loved it. Gideon only has classes 2 days a week this semester instead of 3, which feels like a HUGE change. Also, his classes aren't nearly as intense. It's been so so so wonderful to see more of each other and really get to hang out together. We went out for Sushi last week and have a few more places on the list to go. Of course, all these nights-on-the-town are funded by awesome coupon deals that we find and/or gift cards from Christmas. Couldn't have come at a better time! By 9 o'clock I'm dead tired and ready for bed, but it sure is fun enjoying the early evening.

Right now I'm washing a load of baby clothes to have ready when we bring this little guy home from the hospital. Also on the list this week: pack my hospital bag. The clock is ticking and I am officially anxious. I'm starting to realize that all the miserable symptoms that come with pregnancy are worth it because, at the end. . . you get a BABY!! We can hardly stand the wait at this point. The other night Gideon was asking me about everything that's going to happen in the delivery room right after I have the baby. (I plan to breastfeed right away, so he just wanted to know when it would be his turn to hold our little son). I laughed and told him he'd get to hold him right away! He was still a little serious and said, in the most loving and sweet tone, "Ok, just don't hog him, Ok?" I love that my little boy has a dad who is desperately in love with him already.

LOVE it.

Procrastination

For some reason, when I know there's something I should do, even if it's an easy thing, I tend to avoid it. Example: Blogging. Vacuuming. Returning a shirt to target that's been sitting in the backseat of my car (recently moved to the trunk) for weeks. I really don't know what my problem is but I should really teach myself to get over it. Really. So after I post this . . . I . . .will . . .vacuum.

Christmas was wonderful! We spent Christmas Eve with Jared and Lynn. Lynn made us dinner and I made cheese balls and sugar cookies and we watched it's a wonderful life. Christmas day we headed up to the Smylie's for some family togetherness time. It was such a good holiday. We stayed up way too late, ate way too much and talked until my throat hurt. We loved it. We also managed to get up to Salt Lake to see the lights at temple square. It was FREEZING but the lights were so pretty! New year's came and went, and so far at the top of my new years resolution list is to expel a baby!! Seriously, my list looks like this. . .

Have the baby

Run a 1/2 Marathon (by September)

Birth the baby

Read the Book of Mormon

Get the baby out.

I always dreamed of being pregnant and while I have LOVED so many aspects of it, I admit it's not quite all it's cracked up to be. Today I got caught by surprise with a vomiting spell and it happened on my carpet. ON MY CARPET. Isn't that what people say about their two year old who got sick?!? Not to a grown woman. I have about this much pride left. I have a bum in my left ribs and two feet in my right, and a very hard head on top of my bladder. But I have to say, I love feeling so close to this little boy who will one day think I am such a dorky parent. I love feeling him try to get comfy in there or have the hiccups. I just think my skin might tear open at any moment, so it's a good thing he is coming out soon (hopefully). It really is a mix of emotions. I love knowing he's safe in there but I also just want him to come out so badly. Seven weeks and counting. I am so excited to meet this wild little man!

Also: I was deathly ill all last week and now that I am recovering, I seem to have lost more brain cells. I don't know if this is post sickness brain fog or pregnancy related, but I really am the biggest space case on the planet. So please excuse me if you have a conversation with me and it seems as though I'm not all there.

The temple looked so beautiful with all the trees lit up around it!

A little too frozen for a real smile from either of us . . .

The belly has come in handy for eating on the couch!

32 weeks. Sorry I always post these pictures so late that it's almost time for another. I'm now 33 weeks.

And finally, a picture of my wonderful husband, apron and all. This was on Christmas Eve, helping me cook. He has been such a great help during this pregnancy with stuff, especially in the kitchen! Love you honey.

Everything

It's been quite a long time since I've done any kind of update on here. SO. Here it goes.

We went to Arizona during the first week of December, and I was a slacker and didn't get any pictures. It was a ton of fun though. So nice to just sit around my parents house, watch movies, play with my adorable niece and nephew, eat lots of food, etc. Awesome week. Thanks so much mom and dad for all the hospitality. It really was so wonderful being there.

Gideon finished finals, somehow managing to keep his sanity intact. He had to pull a few all-nighters, literally. Not an ounce of sleep. Poor guy. But I think it's all gonna be worth it to see his grades on Thursday. Now his big project is applying to BYU for the upcoming fall semester. We're crossing our fingers.

This is our apartment after the all nighter. Notice the suit cases still on the living room floor.

We finally got our Christmas tree up last week, and just decorated it this last Sunday. How horrible are we?!? I've never put up Christmas stuff this late, but in a way it's more special having it so close. My sister in law Lynn has had to remind me to finish making my stockings and do my decor. I'm so glad she does otherwise I would maybe have never done it this year!We had to buy some extra lights for the top half, and obviously they're not as bright as the ones on the bottom half. Oh well. And we're still working on the star.

Alas, the reason for all my Christmas procrastination has been partly due to the fact that all I want to do is sit on my couch and eat tums. The heartburn has been insane. If I take a sip of water, heartburn. If I eat ANYTHING, I get heartburn. Even now, just sitting here, I get heartburn. Gideon makes me what we call "the throne" in bed, consisting of a big blanket and about a million pillows behind me to prop me up so I can sleep somewhat comfortably while staying vertical. But I read that the hormone that causes heartburn also causes fetal hair to sprout, so the more heartburn you have, your baby is supposed to have more hair! Also, this little boy has taken up residence under my left rib. His new favorite spot. It's usually his little bum I can feel wedged in there, but sometimes I get a good kick and wow does it feel just great. I'm nervous that he still has to double his weight before he's born, cuz it's starting to feel pretty crowded in there already. Although I am grateful for every little kick or nudge these days. He gave us a scare last week. He is usually SUPER wild in there, but for two days he was so so calm and barely moved, so I had to go into the doctor and get a non-stress test. Pretty much they monitor his heart rate when he moves to make sure he has enough oxygen. Of course, as soon as they strap me up, he goes crazy. He's going to be so dramatic, I can already tell. But I was really relieved to know he's ok in there. Just needed a little attention. But really, overall, I'm feeling pretty good and I think the last few weeks has been the best part of my pregnancy. We just lay in bed at night and watch my belly do the wave while he moves around like crazy. It's so so fun. We are so excited to meet our sweet little guy.

29 weeks. This picture is almost a week old now. Sorry. I had Gideon take these at one in the morning, hence no face.

Also: We still have to name him! Suggestions welcome. So far we are thinking of naming him Finn. The middle name is Adam after my sweet brother who is special needs. So it would look something like . . . Finn Adam Medley. I also like Cash/Cache and a few others. Feel free to offer thoughts; I'll take the ones I like and ignore the ones I don't. Nothing personal. :)

Finally, the last thing to post is that this morning, we woke up to a winter wonderland! So pretty outside. There is about a foot of snow. I'm so excited to have a white Christmas!!

Quiet

I know it's been forever since I've blogged. I think that I always apologize on here for checking out for so long. I have a million journal entries from my younger years that start out the same exact way. "Sorry it's been so long . . ." yada yada yada. But truthfully, some strange part of me secretly feels in control and rebellious and independent when I don't share anything with anybody (not even myself on paper) for a while. Is that weird? Possibly I have issues. I probably do. But it got me thinking tonight. About being quiet. So many of us have those moments. They are a little more sporadic for me, since I am normally a pretty "loud" person, to say the least. But yes, even I enjoy my phases of not chatting away with someone ALL. THE. TIME. Do you know why? Because you get to really LISTEN. Just listen. Usually these quiet states of solitude are enduced by a trial, pain, or a deeply spiritual or personal experience which for some reason takes me days or weeks to quietly sort through instead of just during the closing prayer at church. I wonder about other quiet people. I've met them in grocery stores, I've done their hair, taken care of their sick loved ones, sat by them in church. How often do I stumble across someone in their "quiet phase," their transitional period between tough spots in life? How often have people met me and thought "what a quiet lonely woman," just because I had a bad day and couldn't muster up a sincere laugh at their cheesy joke? I wonder how many of them are the permanently-injured-type who desperately need someone to be their friend, and how many are the ones like me, having a brief lapse in their social life. But you know something? I don't think it really matters. Because whether you feel a certain way for a second or for eternity, it still is important and moving and monumental because you felt it. Either way, all of these ramblings come down to one boiling point: Sometimes there's nothing wrong with a little quiet.

Daddy's Little Boy

My dearest little man,

It's me, mommy. You don't know who I am yet, you only know the soft rocking of your constant warm little bath, my heartbeat, and maybe my wild laughter. And although I technically haven't met you yet either, I am really starting to know you pretty well. You like it when I lay on my right side, and when I kneel really awkwardly to say prayers. You always kick the most when I'm in those positions. You are a wild little one, just like your daddy. You kick me non stop and sometimes I really wonder what's going on in there. I know as soon as you can walk, you'll be crawling over things and jumping off of furniture way too high to be safe; again, just like your daddy.

Your dad and I always sit and wonder what you will be like, who you'll grow up to be, what your dreams will be. But something we already know and will always know is where you come from and what makes you you. I hope someday I can really, I mean really make you understand that you are the product of So. Much. Love. That two young kids sacrificed so much to bring you here, because we wanted to see your face, to meet you, to see what you might become, and to be allowed a brief moment to teach you a few things and mostly to have you teach us about love and about happiness. That two people will always stand behind you, hold your hand, throw everyone out of the way so you can pass, and cheer on the sidelines for you. That we wanted you, oh how we wanted you. That your place in the world will always be here, nestled between the two of us, safe and happy and loved.

I hope I help you see how much your father loves you. Some day when you are expecting your own little child, you will start to understand. Understand the excitement and pure joy that comes from anxiously awaiting the arrival of your own flesh and blood. Understand the sacrifices of a loving father; the long hours worked, the long nights of studying, the worry of the bills, the sheer exhaustion of life; all these sacrifices made because of the love he has for you, the little one he hasn't even met yet. Because he wants the very best for you, for your future. He worries about teaching you all the things of the world and the gospel, about life and about eternity. He loves you, a mind-blowing, heart bursting kind of love.

And so do I.